​I wanted to write about leaking energy, a porous energy field . . . but I couldn’t because I was leaking energy and had a porous energy field. I had to wait until my energy field had more integrity, and I filled up. Until I filled up, I only had enough energy to rest, and do the “good enough principle” with all that needed to be done.

When we are chronically stressed or dealing with trauma, loss, grief, or have too much on our plates, we might feel tired, lethargic, dull, joyless. And it’s very difficult to fill up, because all of our energy is being used just to try and maintain. There’s not much left over to fill up. It’s harder to fill up to the halfway point than to continue to fill once we reach the halfway threshold.
How filled is your reservoir of energy? Close your eyes, feel your feet, take a breath. Imagine your reservoir of energy can be measured on a gauge, like a gas gauge in your car. Now simply ask, how full is my tank? Where does the needle hit? How full/empty am I? It’s okay whatever it is. We just have compassion for our sweet selves wherever we are.

It’s useful to ask ourselves, what fills me up? The things that fill us up are those that bring us joy, that brings us good feeling and keeps that good feeling circulating. Everyone has their own list of what feels good. And it can change. Right now, mine are morning coffee, napping, relaxing in a warm pool, sitting in the steam room, eating good food, hanging out at home, getting out some mornings early when everyone else is asleep and I have time alone in the car or doing errands. Quiet time alone. Gentle yoga walking and stretching.Getting into bed at night. Staying in touch with friends and family, as I have the energy. Making sure my family at home is taken care of. Snuzzling with my Little Bear kitty. And most of all, having continual kindness and compassion for my sweet self.

All these things can help me feel better. When that good feeling flows, even a little bit, it helps me fill up. Sometimes I do just one thing, sometimes a few of them. It depends on what’s possible day to day. If I demand too much of myself, I never give my energy field a chance to recover. If I trust that I am right where I need to be this moment on my path, then I can release impatience and frustration about what I’m not getting accomplished. I find that so much of what I’d like to do isn’t what I need to do or can do. I sometimes wonder, how long am I going to have the bathroom rugs hanging on the bannister until I clean the floor? Now I’m just curious, as it certainly isn’t a priority.

I think these are helpful words from Daily Om:
The essence of all being is energy. Our physical and ethereal selves depend on the unrestricted flow of life energy that is the source of wholeness and wellness . . . the channels through which this energy flows are open systems and influenced by factors outside of our control . . . Life energy flows through us like a swift stream when there is nothing to obstruct it, but various forces such as trauma, downbeat vibrations, and disappointments act like stones that impede the current. If we allow these to pile up, our life energy is thrown off its course.

Anything we can do, however small, that supplies kindness, love and compassion to ourselves, helps clear our channels. Then our energy flows more smoothly, and the holes and tears in our energy field can get patched up. And the gentler we are with ourselves, the less we poke holes in the fabric of our energy.