I usually feel strong…until I don’t. I had a humbling couple of weeks recently, when I wasn’t strong at all. I have an inner ear condition that causes vertigo. It can be years between episodes, and well, you know, out of sight, out of mind. I’m aware of the triggers, and I know I think I’m taking loving care of myself…until it’s evident that I needed to be taking even better care of myself.
This is the beauty of having a physical body. We can feel what is happening, we often get the signals that leave no doubt. There are usually clues. Sometimes the evidence seems to blindside us….but when I look back at these times, the indications were there. I just can be very dense and resistant (like the rest of humanity) and ignore what is being broadcast loud and clear – in hindsight. And always, it boils down to needing to take better care of myself somehow, some way. More than I can imagine.
And then I use all my tools, usually out of desperation. Breathing, surrendering, being willing to know I don’t know, resting, asking and receiving for assistance and guidance, being willing to meet my distress with grace and trust. Trust that everything changes, everything passes. Eventually.
So yet another humbling experience. Remembering that we never know what we don’t know until we do. Remembering that we are all taken care of, that Life lives through us, Life doesn’t persecute us. Remembering what it feels like to be ill, unable to work, debilitated. In my gratitude for feeling better, I have more compassion for those who don’t feel better – ever. Could I meet a condition that never lifted with grace and trust? Would I know I was always taken care of, no matter what?
Through various illnesses and challenges, the proof is always presented that we get through everything, life continues to move on, it is never static, situations eventually change, the energy always moves. Would that the next time, in the middle of whatever arises, I have more equanimity, more trust, more grace than I can imagine. I wish you the same.